Look what I caught in my fishnets.

It took a lot of courage, but I showed Nexus the porn I've been watching.  It may seem curious to some why it would take courage to show their lover what gets them off, but for me I suffer from all sorts of shame issues.  Not only would this be revealing to him that I wanked, but also that I was wanking to she-male and transsexual porn.  If someone else told me they were wanking to it, I'd have zero problem; no judgement.  Rules I apply to myself are very different for some reason.

I grew up in a household where sex was taboo.  If I got caught, or was under suspicion of having engaged in sexual activity, I would get attacked, both physically and psychologically by my Dad.  What I didn't realize until quite recently was the impact this has had on my sexual maturity and understanding.

The good news is, Nexus is so open-minded and patient, also a fucking pervert :D  His encouragement for me to enjoy what makes me happy and turned on is so amazing, yet scary too.  I find myself questioning whether he means it, or if he'll suddenly think I'm repulsive for my kinks and desires.

Last night as I led Nexus to my saved porn links, I felt myself trembling inside.  He was so sweet and gentle, also a little excited to see what had brought his Deviant Doll to cum on her own.

We had been fooling around when I had suggested watching, so we were already frisky.  As we were watching he was on top of me, kissing and caressing me.  We were so close, and not just physically.  I could feel his love for me.  As he slowly fucked me, his eyes were locked on me, and I asked him to please watch the porn because I really wanted him to see.  I was so wet, ridiculously so.

It was evident that we both enjoyed what we were looking at.

I felt happy and empowered.  He hadn't mocked me at all.  In fact, he seemed almost proud of me for taking the chance that I did to enjoy myself, and then share it with him.

We fucked long and hard, and ever so intimately.  I squirted and gushed to the point where we were both drenched and spatters of my juices were going everywhere.  I was a happy kitten.

When my legs were up bookending his head, my fishnets were flapping away on my left foot.  They were distracting me, and then attracting me.  I started to fantasize about taking the legs of them and stretching them around his neck, thus binding my ankle to his throat.  Alas, we switched to me on top, and I thought I'd lost my moment.  I was so disappointed in myself for not going with my impulse.

It's like I couldn't help myself.  My hips grinding away, his cock hard inside me, and our eyes locked, I reached down and pulled the fishnets off of my left foot and brought them up in to my right hand.  Feeling very determined, and like Nexus pointed out afterwards, almost in a trance-like state, I kept fucking him, and wrapped my fishnets around his throat.  With my right hand I gathered my courage, strength and fishnets and pulled hard.  His facial expression changed.  I wasn't sure what that look was, but I continued.  Pull, then release, just like he does to me when he's got his hands around my throat.  I felt different.  Stronger maybe.

We came simultaneously, and hard!  It was beautiful.

I've felt strange ever since though.  Almost like a different person.  I keep surprising myself with my own thoughts and desires, and it's very strange to surprise yourself.  I hope I can keep up with following what makes me feel good, and also that Nexus likes it too.  I read something the other day that made so much sense to me:  "Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to."

Onwards and upwards.

<3  Deviant Doll

Mother's Day

Earlier this month was Mother's Day here in Canada.  On Facebook one of my friends posted this status:  "Mother's Day; the only time of year when women actively accept a facial."  I laughed so hard!

Know what happens when a thought like that is planted in my head?

I heard myself saying to Nexus as we were fucking: "Will you please cum on my face?"

"Cum on your face?" he said surprised.
I mumbled in such a shy tone:  "Yes please."
"Okay!"

It was the first time I had ever asked him to turn off all the lights when we were fucking, but had not planned the facial experience, it was just something that happened.  Plant that seed, and watch it come to fruition with me.

In the dark with only the slight glow of the laptop, he straddled me and started jerking off in front of my face.  Not only was this spectacularly hot, but I realized I really do love watching him jerk off.  I love seeing how he touches himself, and how hard he gets.  The anticipation of waiting for his hot stream to hit my face was so erotic and painstaking.  I could hear his breathing change and I knew that soon my face would be made up with his cum.

I was readying myself for the onslaught when I felt his hot cum squirting all over my face.  I was licking it off my mouth, and felt so greedy for it.  I took his cock and smeared his cum all over my lips, tasting it all the while.

It was fucking hot!

When I went to clean myself up, I stood and stared at my face in the mirror, covered in cum.  I was so taken with it, and so was he.  I'd never wanted to do this before, and now I found myself wet from it.

We've done it again since, but with the lights on this time :D

Sexy business

I had a job interview the other day, so I got out the professional looking garb.  I have this awesome Mad Men inspired dress that I chose, and paired it with super cute black high heels with a little leather heart on them.  As I'm describing it, the outfit doesn't sound overly professional, but it totally is.  I rocked the look for sure, and the first thing the interviewer said to me was:  "Omg, I LOVE your dress".

Nexus and I agreed it would be very sexy for me to come meet him at his work in the professional outfit, and we could get all gropey and eventually rp.

He was so taken with the outfit.  His hand was permanently on my upper thigh, or desperately moving towards its target.  I couldn't find any stockings in my drawer that didn't look mangled, so I had to wear full nylons.  Possibly doesn't sound sexy, or even look sexy, but somehow Nexus made me feel sexy as fuck in them.

One thing I do love about full nylons is the look of his hand sliding down inside them.  There's something incredibly hot about that.

As we were making out, he hiked my dress up to my waist and started pulling down my nylons.  I realised I needed to pee, and asked for a quick minute to go.  Still in my shoes (actually the ones that are in the picture at the top of the blog), panties and nylons around my ankles, I hobbled over to the washroom.  Nexus was quite turned on by the sight of me hobbling back over to him, semi-bound by my own undergarments.

I sat down like a good girl and put his cock in my mouth.  Oh how we both moaned.  I just love his cock so much...in my mouth, banging against my tonsils, filling my vag, between my tits, up my ass, all of it!  Somehow lately I'm able to get his cock so far into my mouth and throat, and I don't even gag.  This is all kinds of awesome.

I told Nexus the other day that I love him going down on me, but I really need something to do when he's down there.  As in, I need to touch him, or suck his cock...something.  He took the pro-tip and put it into practice right away by way of climbing up on top of me and we went into a delicious 69.  Admittedly, my blow jobs aren't as spectacular in this position because I have nowhere to pull back my head.  It meant I had to get a bit creative, and it made it kind of fun!  I ended up with a wonderful new technique of popping his cock head in and out of my mouth, and it seemed quite popular :)

As he was on top of me, I looked up and saw his gorgeous, perfect ass.  Fuck I love his ass.  Suddenly I was imagining a guy on top of Nexus, fucking him up the ass.  I would've had the most perfect view of such an activity.  I got so turned on.  What the hell is happening to me?  I'm such a deviant as of late.  O.o

I'd been a bit pent up because of stress, and Nexus just went to town going down on me.  It felt like he was making out with my lady bits, and I fucking loved every second of it.  So I squirted.  Do you have any idea how fucking good it feels to squirt, especially when you been pent up?  If you don't know, I hope you'll have that feeling someday.

He got up, turned himself around, made out with my drippy cummy cunt, and then proceeded to fuck me so hard and with such fervour.  Bliss.  When he pulled my legs up to his shoulders, he ducked under my nylons, which were still binding my ankles.  That was fantastically yummy to see.  Fucking fucking harder harder, then he grabbed my panties and inhaled the scent so deeply.  Then I came again because who wouldn't at that point?!

He fucked me so hard until he filled me with his cum.  He knows how much I like him to paint the inside of me with his cum, so he moved his cock all around, back and forth and spread it everywhere.  Soooo good.

We collapsed together in a heaving, steamy, spent heap.

The next morning, the outfit went back on (long story) and we couldn't make it out the door without him talking about how hot I looked, and how much he wanted to ravish me.  I taunted him with the idea a bit because I really wanted the sex too!  Pop pop pop pop went his button-fly and out came his cock.  I must've looked thrilled because his face lit up too.

He led me to the front door, pushed me hard against it and kissed me.  A passionate, quickie against the door was exactly what I had hoped for.  My Nexus knows me so well.  It was so hot in his place that we were sweating like crazy.  My make-up was starting to run down my face from sex sweat.  He needed  me to take over being on top, so I did.  I straddled him, and rode him with as much passion he and I deserve, and that's a lot!

He came inside me and left me with that reminder of him all day.  Even after washing myself, his cum squeaked out of me and into my nylons, as I waited in a giant mall for some friends.  It made me nervous, but so excited too.  I wondered to myself, were there any other people in the mall with cum squishing out of them?  I hoped so.

<3  Deviant Doll

Return of my pretty little bitch.

Our first time playing lesbians was so amazing that I couldn't wait to do it again.  So, a couple of weeks after we tried it the first time, we were both gagging to do it.

Painfully hungover and tired, we went out to the market and sourced a pretty pink wig, cut into a bob.  Nexus deserved to have a nicer wig than that shit one I used the first time around.  I let him choose it, and it was a pussy moistener knowing that my boyfriend was choosing a wig for himself, so that I could dominate him dressed up as my pretty little bitch.  Fuck!

We ran into a friend, chatted for a bit, then went to the car, fucked in Nexus' work parking lot (remember that blog entry?).  I was so tired that night that I wasn't overly into the effort required for playing lesbians, but I really didn't want to let him down.  Starting at something like midnight or later, I got out my make-up and started dolling him up.  Transforming him was turning me on, and I was so glad we decided to go through with it in spite of both being exhausted and still hungover.

I did a better job of his make-up this time, and the new wig made a huge difference.  Also, I had a couple of choices for his clothing.  We both agreed on a PVC shirt, and the kilt.  Another new thing was that I didn't have him wear panties this time, though the first time around his cock in those soft lace panties just about killed me!  I had him put on sheer black nylons.  Nexus shaves his legs, and has really quite gorgeous gams from walking so much.  Needless to say, his legs looked fab in those nylons and short kilt.

Know what's just as hot as seeing Nexus' hard cock straining to be released from stretchy lace panties?  Seeing it rock hard through a pair of cheap nylons.  Oh fuck.  I took a picture this time, and I wish I could post it on here, but I can't.  What I can do with it, is use it as wank material.  Phew.

I literally have to snap myself out the trance that becomes my staring at Nexus in this dress-up game.  His eyes are so gorgeous, and he looks so pretty for me.

Have you ever felt a hard cock through nylon?  If not, you should do it.  Not only look at it, but squeeze it, lick it, nibble it, all through the nylon.  I bet you'll be as soaking wet as I was.  I couldn't keep my hand off his cock as we were making out.  My arm was sore from being all twisted backwards to grope him, but I didn't even care.  I loved when his pre-cum was soaking through the nylon and moistening it, mixing with my saliva.

I lifted his kilt, pulled down the nylons, and started giving him a fucking superior blow job.  I love taking his cock not only in my mouth, but down my throat.  There's something about feeling his cock bang the back of my throat that makes me wet with desire.

I did notice this time that Nexus was fighting the whole total submission to me, but that's okay.  He ended up topping me, and since I normally bottom to him anyway, it felt natural.  I wasn't going to give up that easily though.  I moved out from underneath him, and pulled him up to a sitting position and slid him inside me.

I was so ready to fuck the hell out of him.  It feels so good when I pivot my hips around on his cock.  I can feel it touching every last inch inside me.

We both came so fucking hard!  I was literally seeing black spots and thought I was going to pass out, as I collapsed onto his chest.  It was the first time that night that we'd really lost eye contact.  I love my pretty little bitch.

<3  Deviant Doll

Soundtrack:  Die Form

Stable Boy

Ever have one of those perfect, loving nights?  I did last night.  They don't happen all that often, but that makes them all the more special when they do.

Nexus was determined to de-stress me, and I was pretty keen on him trying.  I've been under immense pressure and stress lately, and I reached a point where I was just so fucked off that I couldn't seem to handle even the most mundane of tasks.  So my Nexus stepped in.

He bought a delicious bottle of chianti for us to share; he knows it's my favourite.  As he was making dinner, I lay down with a glass of wine that he'd poured for me, and kicked back with my new Schrodinger's Cat book that I picked up dirt cheap at VV boutique.  Even if the relaxation treatment had stopped there, I'd have been stoked.

We had a delicious vegetarian (possibly vegan) stir-fry, and then got into a lovely hot lavender bubble bath together.  Wine, candles, love, bath...it was so wonderful.  There haven't been many times in my life where a man has taken the time to be so loving.

Fresh and relaxed, we started making out really lovingly when Nexus told me to lie face down on the futon.  At first I thought he was going to spank me, and in my head I was hoping not; I wasn't in the mood.  Alas, he straddled my ass and massaged my back, neck and shoulders.  When the massage was done he stayed on top of me and tilted my chin up and back; his kisses pulled me into a wonderful place.  My ass lifted a bit and struggled to make contact with his hardening cock.  I kept pushing myself into him.

He rolled me over and took his place on top of me.  I was enjoying feeling the full weight of him.

"Hmm, I know", he said and got up.

When he returned he was armed with a blindfold for my eyes, and some sort of tying apparatus for my wrists.  I don't know what it was because he tied my wrists after I was blindfolded.  He nipped a bit of my hair in the knot and I winced, but loved it.

My wrists were tied  together, and attached to the arm of the futon.

He explored my body with his mouth and tongue, kissing me, biting my neck, sucking and licking my nipples, and going down on me for so long.  It was during him going down on me that I suddenly realised that I was fantasising.  If you haven't listened to Die Form's Bach Project, I would really recommend it, especially if you're fucking.  It sets such a romantic, yet slightly twisted mood.  

Some of my senses were heightened because my sight was gone, and my ability to touch (with my hands) was also gone.  The music just filled my ears, and transported me to a different mindset altogether.  I'd started to fantasise that I was a Princess, and Nexus was my stable boy.  I'm not kidding when I say that in my mind's eye, we were in Medieval times (and no, not the dinner theatre - lol!) and in a courtyard of a castle grounds.  I was wearing a wonderfully flowing red velvet and creamy cotton dress, and was lying on bales of hay with a blanket in between.  Nexus was up under my dress pleasuring his Princess.

He stroked, kissed, and adored me, and I lay back allowing him to have his way with me... I had  no choice, after all.

Oh how he seemed to love pleasuring me with his mouth and tongue.  Slurping up all my juices, like they were exquisite wine.  Kissing me, and biting down hard on the tender flesh between my thigh and crotch.  I squirmed and as my breathing increased in speed and sound, Nexus went silent.  Then suddenly there was creaking.  

My stable boy was cheekily tickling my lips with his eager cock.  I licked his sweet pre-cum off of the tip, moistened my lips, and opened my mouth. I swirled my tongue around his head, as he pushed himself further into my mouth.  My tongue outstretched and as he plunged into my mouth I massaged his cock with it.  I imagined us trying to hide away from any prying eyes, and how naughty we were being.  I reminded myself to relax...

This saucy little stable boy was getting rather frisky, and as his cock head traced the roof of my mouth, he moved my face to just the right angle, and then pushed himself much harder into my throat.  He started fucking my mouth.  I didn't gag.  In fact, I loved it.  I ended up being ridiculously wet.  

The blindfold stayed on even while we were fucking.  He fucked me with such passion, but it was killing me not being able to grope his ass.  Being that he is the stable boy, he has a horse rider's ass, all perfect, round, and firm...oh, so very firm.

I moaned as quietly as I could when he was fucking my g-spot, but I couldn't handle staying quiet enough.  There's this point where I just change into a wild woman.  Seriously.  As I was changing into this crazed creature, Nexus realised, pulled his cock out and slid it up and down the length of my pussy, focussing on my clit.  It's a sure fire winner.  I squirted everywhere!  It felt so good.  See, because of my mass amounts of stress, the last couple of times we fucked, I hadn't cum.  I was so frustrated.  So squirting felt even better than normal.  

Oh my sweet little stable boy was groaning and so thrilled that he'd made his Princess feel so wonderful.

I squirted a few more times, and then Nexus filled me with his cum.  He collapsed on me, and he removed my blindfold.  We started making out, sweaty, fulfilled, and so in love.

Next thing I knew he was coming into the room and asking if he'd actually fucked me to sleep!  He had!  I had cum so hard, and so much, that I had post-sex pass out.  So fantastic.

Someone remind me to get the stable boy a few more bullion...

<3  Deviant Doll

Soundtrack:  Die Form - Bach Project; Die Krupps (unsure what album)

  

Parking lot is videotaped

Nexus and I went strolling around on Saturday in Kensington, and it was such a beautiful day.  It was so crowded though!

The night before we met a new friend,I'll call him Blue (after the skirt) maybe one that I'll finally have the elusive MFM with?  He was a nice guy, and wore a blue PVC skirt...gotta be a good sign.  Oddly, we ended up starting what would've likely been an amazing MFM with a guy we know, I'll call him MP, but Nexus was too drunk.  While it lasted it was pretty hot though!

Nexus and I were making out, MP was fingering me, and Blue was kissing the inside of my thighs!  I know, right?  Wowzers.  It was hot whilst it lasted.

I totally just went on a tangent there.

Back to Saturday afternoon, and when we were done walking around, we went to my car which we'd parked in Nexus' work lot.  I was frisky, as was he, so I suggested we fuck right then and there.  It was scary, I'm not gonna deny it.  We were surrounded by houses and apartment buildings, the parking lot is videotaped, and there was a guy standing in the neighbouring parking lot.

I took off my gothy boots and tights, climbed over into the passenger seat and straddled Nexus.  He was already hard, and his cock just slid right in me.

Admittedly I said to him:  "This isn't one of those times where you need to hold back for half an hour!"  I was pretty nervous about getting caught - lol!

The car was hot, and as I rode him I felt myself getting hotter and hotter.  I bobbed up and down on his cock like a fucking superstar!  It wasn't long before he came inside me, and both of us collapsed into one another, and then just started laughing.  It had been very exciting!

When I moved back over to the driver's side, some of Nexus' cum squeezed out of me, and onto the fabric of the seat.  I blushed.  He thought it was hot that I had no control over where his cum was going, and the idea that soon at dinner we would be at the restaurant, and his cum would be gooing out of me and into my tights.

I wonder if we'll ever been seen on the surveillance video?

Love that Saturday afternoon fun!

Soundtrack:  KMFDM - Nihil